Passenger Safety

I am not a big fan of public speaking, but when I have to speak in front of people I am finely tuned into my audience's level of interest and attention. It is disheartening when someone clearly isn't interested in what you are saying. That is why I at least try to feign interest when the flight attendants walk through their safety speech despite the fact that I have it memorized and could take over at a moment's notice. 

This led me to actually open the Passenger Safety pamphlet and there is some amazing content within. 

One thing I learned is that if you look out the window and see a cloud, a campfire, or a broken unicorn figurine you should not open the door. 

I love how calm all these people are. This lady (in a smart pink dress) calmly stands up to remove her seat cushion and then hugs it in the open sea with a shit eating grin on her face. I bet she sat in United Economy Plus without paying for it and now she will get away with it since the plane is at the bottom of the ocean. 

Before we get too far I want to remind you, no remote control cars or phones from 1989 are allowed in flight. Oops, sorry this picture is from this weekend's Radio Shack advertisement. 

The three most depressing words in the human language:  infant life vest. Yeah, these aren't going to work. We know this right?  

Again, at this point the plane is either in a death spiral or has already made a water "landing" and yet this lady is sizing up the kid like she is in Baby Gap. 

I like how this mom is giving her last breath to assure her kid will be floating shark chum. Sweet. The night light (and hypothermia) should help him fall asleep before his legs are gone.  

Bend over and kiss your ass goodbye. 

I love how all the women wear skirts/dresses. The men must be in first class. By the way, is this kid 6?  12?  Emmanuel Lewis? 

Ahh, yes. There is dad. He is alone in first class wearing his son's tie. 

These are my favorite photos for a couple of reasons: (1) the plane apparently made a nice soft landing in a beautiful green field. That looks better than some of the landings I have made at major airports (2) I love the guys hauling ass from the plane. I make no bones about it that this would be me. I would kick people in the back of the head to get away from the plane. Oh, and what is up with that Jezebel in the pant suit?  She probably caused the crash landing.  

Have you ever learned anything from the safety announcements or pamphlet?  If so, please share.