I need that mounted squirrel head

I have never know anyone that has purchased something from the Sky Mall magazine. I fly a lot and it never fails that after I carefully examine the Passenger Safety card (see previous blog post) I have to flip through Sky Mall to see if there is something I cannot live without. Nope. 

Here are some highlights from the Summer 2013 catalog. 

The only way this toothbrush could be worse is if they upload a couple of speeches from Stalin and Hitler or the opening monologue from Chevy Chase's short-lived talk show. 

Never once have I thought "man I wish my eggs were in a different shape. Someone needs to make an egg toaster!"  This is coming from someone who just learned how to make eggs when he turned 40. 

Watches with faces are so passé. Ask any real gentleman. 

I don't care how you present that ugly ass lamp, nobody is buying it on eBay. Save your $199 and call Purple Heart. 

Yeah, it is time to put that dog down. You will thank me when it loses control of it's bowels on your bed. 

I remember when my wife told me that she was going to make some improvements to the garage - said no man ever. 

Oh good, it is water repellant. Maybe you can get a 2-for-1 on those dog euthanasia visits.  Then again, the dog in this picture may already be dead. 

 

So let me understand, I have to find where I put the remote and then hold it 6 inches from the light (sorry, GOLD light)? This seems much easier than a switch. 

And say "goodnight" to another sexless night. 

Maybe I am being too harsh. I should give this Sky Mall a chance.

I really would rather not say anything about this page. It is just too uncomfortable. 

If this thing was 6 foot tall it would be very appealing but more than 8 feet tall?  Pass. I like my fantasy lamps to be life size. 

Speaking of life size. This bad boy is an affordable $2,500 and according to the magazine it will help your guests admire your garden (or scare the shit out of them). 

I am not going to lie. If I was single I would buy this. It reminds me of every I Dream of Jeannie episode when the boss would come over for a scotch. I would put this next to my 8 foot lady lamp. 

Genius!  The kidnappers in Mexico City won't find your wallet until they dump your dead and naked body in a ditch. 

Yeah I hope your 42 cats enjoy this sleep shirt.  

If guys want to pool your money together and get this for me it is only $25. I figure that if all of my blog readers split this evenly you would each owe $12.50. 

Thanks!